On A Half Shell

Today was a big day of firsts for me, so I feel very accomplished. It all started with me not being able to find the sugar bowl. So I drank my coffee straight, like a badass. My errands had no chance…

Now, running errands here is a little different then driving to Walmart. Basically, there are little shops for everything. A shop for gloves, and one for cheese, and one for fur, and so on. The only problem is they are all in random locations in this labyrinth of a city. Not only did I have to keep from getting lost, I had to find things.

Truthfully, walking has been my most useful tool. I no longer have the GPS from my phone, and actual maps are useless for finding shops. My only choice is to wander until I find the correct store. Today for example, I walked six hours to find stationary, a phone, a glass, and a scarf. 

Speaking of fur… I’m getting a black fox scarf, so I don’t freeze to death in the street, and die of this cold. I got a little bit sick from being outside, and being cold all day. My nose wont stop running, it’s super attractive… 

I also wore my… new sunglasses today. Guess who they are made by? A certain someone named Marc Jacobs! I decided to splurge and get some nice glasses. Basically essential if you want to have friends here. 

I found a new pipe for my collection too! It’s very little and super light (So I can have it in my mouth, ‘and’ draw at the same time.)

I got a new shitty Italian phone. Some stationary, so I can write beautiful letters to everyone. Seriously, this paper is sexy, and I got matching sealing wax.

To finish my badass day I unlocked the door to my house, all by myself (This was the first time, my family congratulated me…). Finally, I just found where my family keeps the sugar bowl…

Oh the little things.

…Or Happy Birthday! Yesterday was mia Papa’s birthday. So, we had an even bigger dinner… if that’s possible to imagine. Back in collage, I was lucky to have a full meal. Now I’m eating three course organic home cooked Italian meals… So happy. 

Usually I can’t get any errands done because I can’t understand anything… but today, the was different. Today was my first functioning day in the city. I went to the store, and got things I needed, and I got some makeup, but most importantly I got some sunglasses. 

I don’t think I can explain these peoples obsession with sunglasses. Everyone has the best glasses here, granted they are like 100 euros or more… but I think it’s worth it. They seem to add a lot of character to a person. But seriously everyone wears sunglasses, even when it’s not sunny. Along with that, people wear so much fur.

I would say about 85% of people here are wearing fur, and that includes men. Women are wearing full fur coats, and every hood has at least fur trim. Mine doesn’t, and I look like a poor homeless person. Actually I saw a homeless person wearing fur… so yeah. 

Along with fur, you are expected to wear leather gloves, boots, and have a leather handbag. If you aren’t wearing some part of a dead animal, you look poor as shit. 

Another fun fact, people like to stare at you here. Not like in America where you kind of glance at a person. No, it’s like a full on starring contest. I tried to outstare the Italian’s today, and I only succeeded three times (out of 1,000!?). These people seriously stare you down. 

How to be an Italian:

1. Smoke, all the time. ALL THE TIME.
2. Wear sunglasses. No acceptions.
3. Wear fur. Line your fur coat, with more fur.
4. Food is super cheap here! So you can spend all your extra money on clothing.
5. Smoke more.
6. Avoid dog shit on the sidewalk… no one picks it up.
7. Sidewalks are for dog shit, streets are for walking.
8. Ignore cars, when crossing the street.
9. If driving, ignore pedestrians.
10. Stare down EVERYONE.
11. Wear tall leather boots.
12. Try not to trip on cobble stone… and step in shit. 
13. Avoid getting shit on by a pigeon. 
14. Get winked at by old men.
15. Eat pasta, and drink wine… all the time.
16. Never find a public restroom.
17. Attempt to use a bidet… 
18. Walk… forever, and everywhere.
19. Finish everything with smoking, and a cup of expresso. 

I drew you a picture:

That’s all I have to say for now. Ciao! 

Bunogirno, or good morning! Today I woke up from my food coma, and realized why Italians don’t have a big breakfast, it’s because they are still digesting their dinner in the morning. 

So, I walked over to pick up Silvia from her friend Luca’s house. While I was there I managed to break a glass… Then we both headed out to do errands. I was able to get Conditioner finally, and Silvia got me some cookies for breakfast. Apparently, you get to eat chocolate for breakfast, cheese for lunch, and steak and pasta for dinner in this wonderful land. 

Eventually we needed to eat, and we planned to meet Luca for lunch. I got to order wine, which always makes me happy. I feel like the more wine I drink, the better I speak Italian… We also got a cheese plate, but everyone was too full to finish it! They have ‘too much’ cheese here, they just throw it away… Also for a huge block of cheese in the supermarket, it’s two Euros. Two, not $10 like in America. We also had extra wine, and we had to leave half the bottle. Half! Such a waste of cheap wine… They also forced me to eat liver. So, I guess this is the first time in five years that I ate meat, I’m slowly quitting being a vegetarian here!

Luca also bought me my first Italian cafe, which is nothing like American Coffee. It’s about the size of a shot, but I think I like it more. None of the watered down American crap. 

We got on a bus and headed up to a church Abbazia di San Miniato Monte. It was on ahill that overlooked Firenze, and the lights of the city were very romantic. I thought “I want to live here… oh wait, I do!”

I decided I was kind of like a dog… in the way that I now understand words like ‘food’ and ‘sit’ and ‘stay’, but I can’t have any conversations. I also feel like a child because I just point at everything, and ask ‘what is that?’. Luca decided he was going to take the liberty to teach me all the bad words, that Silvia didn’t want me to know. Silly man. 

Eventually I had to say goodbye to Silvia and Luca. It was sad we could only see each other for such a short time, but Luca lives fairly close to me so I guess we are going to hang out again. I think this makes him my first Italian friend!!!

For dinner we had: pasta, lentils, bread, cheese, wine, more bread, and steak. That’s right, I ate a little bit of Steak. My first bit of Steak in five years, it was delicious! Then I immediately fell asleep. I need to work on staying up after dinner, but with walking all day, and then a big meal in the evening it’s Impossible. 

So yesterday I woke up bright and early at 5am because of jet lag, and sat in bed studying Rosetta Stone. Mama tried to feed me breakfast, but all I wanted was an orange. Along with that I had some tea, and then a weird fruit that looked like a tomato… except it was very sweet. She just had some tea and a cigarette… everyone smokes here, all the time. 

Then I finally got to take a shower, or ‘doccia’. I don’t think shower curtains exist here… Also the shower was more of a bath, with one of those hoses you use to wash your dog. So finally I was clean and feeling good, and my bags arrived so I could dress better as well. It was time to return to Firenze…

I literally walked for 8 straight hours… my legs… are broken to say the least. I finally found my school, a very humble establishment. Compared to SCAD it’s just a tiny speck. Who would guess such amazing work came out of there. I went looking for the art supplies store, but couldn’t find it. Basically, I couldn’t read well enough to find ‘any’ of the things on my shopping list… 

At two, I met the man from yesterday at the Duomo, and he offered to have me over for lunch. I told him “Don’t kidnap me.” So we proceeded to walk more… to his house on the outside of the town, it was very small but charming. We had tea and this sweet bread that is the equivalent to fruit cake (everyone keeps feeding me it). He gave me a scarf as a gift! I think this is the last time I will see him though. Truthfully, he has been kind, but I don’t know him, and he dosen’t know me. Finally, he walked me to the train station to pick up… Silvia Rigozzi!!! 

Silvia lived, and interned with me, over the past summer in Savannah. She then moved to New York, but was home in Milano visiting family for the holidays. She also speaks fluently in English and Italian. So basically she was my savior and translator. Despite the fact that I went to the wrong train station, we eventually met up at the Duomo, and then continued to the river. I don’t think you understand me relief in having someone I could actually talk to. Not only that, but someone who could talk to Italians as well. We finally headed home for dinner around 7:30 picking up some pastries for my family. 

When we arrived home to many people. The holidays here go till January 6th, so basically the relatives were over. Silvia helped be a translator between me and Papa, and between me and the family. I found out they were an organic food family! So after eating four different types of pizza, three different types of desert, and drinking two different types of wine, I fell madly into a food coma. We all went and watched TV on the couch, where we all fell asleep. 

Silvia finally had to go, but we would hang out the next day, and hopefully find more on my shopping list. 

So after leaving Savannah and traveling for literally a day, I arrived in Firenze . Also, my checked baggage, of course, got lost in Amsterdam. So I have nothing, until it arrives today… The taxi from the airport to my home was crazy. It was basically like being in a car chase, but no one was chasing us.

I then climbed six flights of stairs, and met my family. I could have not hoped for a better one. Elizabetta, or mia Mama is the only one out of the five that speaks English. So… I will hopefully be forced to learn Italian Fast. Papa, hardly speaks any English but we seem to get along the best, just because we laugh a lot, and can’t understand each other. He’s trying to learn English, and I’m trying to learn Italian, so together we fail?

After arriving, I was fed the best pasta yet. Then because I had nothing to unpack, I decided to get some air. I managed to find my school just by memory, and then wandered until I ran into the Duomo di Firenze.  

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It’s very overwhelming to say the least. Next to the Duomo di Firenze there are a collection of sculptures. They were so genius that I almost thought about giving up art. This one below was my favorite. Look at the insane serratus anterior! I want to go back and do a painting.

Here is where things started getting interesting. A man comes up, and asks me if I can read the Greek on the statue… and I’m like “No way, I’m American.” Then in very poor English he starts to explain the statues. I have to wonder if he is just making things up, but I am polite and I listen. Then he explains the difference in clothing on the sculptors of the Roman women, but can’t think of the word for drapery. I look down and hold up my skirt “like this?”. He looks down “Si! you dress like Roman woman!”. Then he finds out I am a painter, and immediately takes my arm. I think this is my down fall of being raised by dancers. I no longer have personal space, and the Italian’s have no problem invading your space either.

Now normally I wouldn’t let a stranger drag me around, but I figured why not walk around with a local, rather then get lost by myself. So he takes me to a small church and shows me a classical paintings, that he thinks was the birth of surrealism. I find out he use to be an art student as well, but that was a long time ago. I ask to see the river, and he takes me to Ponte Vecchio. The whole way he is teaching me Italian, and I am actually improving!

We reach Ponte Vecchio at sunset, and he kept saying it was very “Romantico”. Truthfully it was. Then all of a sudden he is trying to kiss my cheeks, and I am laughing and pushing him away. He then proceeds to complement me saying I have the hair of “Botticelli’s Venus.” It was basically like every cheesy Italian movie combine, and I couldn’t help but laugh. The more I pushed him away the crazier the complements got.

(For the record, she is totally a strawberry blond…)

Eventually, he took me to a book store, to get some hot chocolate. I tried to read a book on Caravaggio to him, he laughed at me, and told me “Maybe we should have started with children’s stories.” There was also a neat old Italian man in the store too, and he winked at me. Old Italian men are probably my favorite. By now the sun had almost set, and I needed to go home. I promised to meet him the next day at the Duomo, so we could go out drinking vino. He gave me his card, and from what it says, I guess he is some kind of Doctor… how ironically perfect. 

I made it home, and had yet again another fantastic meal. We then retired to watch some dubbed movie, and my parents had a smoke. They smoked just tobacco though, and it gave the house a lovely aroma. I hope to join them when my pipe arrives. All in all, it was a very eventful first day… now I just want a shower.